Melancholia

There’s a lump in my throat

Every time I close my eyes

Waiting in the silence

With the memories still fresh

Like the passing yesterday.

I wonder why I liked sunsets

I wonder why I liked roses

Forgetting how those tiny thorns

Can inflict pain and sadness.

Maybe I just liked the pain-

Makes me feel alive

Even after some pieces of me got lost

And made me a living dead.

Where were those happy memories

When you needed them?

Happiness is fleeting like a second

Yet pain can stay for a long long time

Until no more tears are left for self-loathing

Because I didn’t walk the straight path

You so carefully built and chose for me

You said I’d regret it but I still left

And made friends with pain.

I’m sorry for getting myself caught

With the disappointment you feel

Every single day that my soul

Lurked in the shadows.

Forgive this crazy fool

For believing a foolish dream

For putting around masks

And ill-fitting costumes

For how can I deserve this life

When I am only able to live

And offer love through pain?