I want to swim far

But I am a prey chained

In a world of power.


Peel away the darkness in my heart,

Growing with dread and hate

Of its innocence.


I can only look from afar,

Knowing it may be too late

To escape this fate.



I have buckets of tears,

For the  lonely.

I have few pennies,

For the empty.


I have a beating heart

For the hateful.

I have blankets

For the broken.


I try and try

To erase the void

But I feel so small,

And so vulnerable.


Can a hopeless have hope?

Can I last until dawn?

For this night is endless

For a life already shattered.




You are the sum of my demons

The light in my shadows

A beautiful distraction,

A dream I never had.


You are the words behind my silence,

My compass in the night

My comfort from weariness,

A star I can never hold.


I should have grabbed the chance

To utter words unspoken,

But my lips were sealed,

And I ran away.


Forgive my awkwardness,

For my heart is made of paper

And I have to bottle it up

So it won’t leak.








People tell me I still look the same,

Years have gone by like the passing wind

I was drifting through life, surviving.

The past came, flashing before my eyes

And all this time, I am living a lie.


Your words were sharp as the knife

Peeling off the layers of myself I have outgrown,

Forcing me to evolve,  to grow.


I ‘ve been hiding in the comfort of childhood

And I just knew it was time to let go,

And face another chapter.

God give me the strength to be strong

With hope and peace in a turbulent world.


I am afraid of the shadows

But I want to move forward

To face the darkness in my heart,

To find my light again,this time with you.



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Stab me, like there’s no tomorrow

I can handle the pain.


You cut me with your shitty words

But I can always lick my wounds.


You shoot with dagger looks

But I have my bullet-proof.


If life was pain and it was you,

I’ll gladly embrace it.


I was the masochist in your sadist state,

You the Master and I like the Slave.


I chose you when you chose me,

I love you more when you hurt me.


I was a living dead before,

Then you came and awakened my soul.












People tell me I look like you

You, who bore me on a balsamic moon.



You said life was no easy for you


So you try to amend the past with me.



You guided me through and through


But kept haunting secrets only you knew.



You would suddenly hug me at night


That I had to breathe because it was tight.



When I had to leave for my dreams


Your eyes looked so painful and in tears.



You wanted me to stay in the nest


But I was stubborn that I still went away.



I said I wanted to live the world


But you said the world would eat my heart.



Remembering those days still hurt


Whenever you would send me your letters.



And that I realize that you’re right


But it was just too late to turn back time.



Time when I was still in your arms


With the peace I never found with the world.



How can such a simple single word


Mean so much to my whole existence?



I pray time to be merciful to me


So I can finally utter the words ‘forgive me.’



Tears on New Year’s Eve

Had me caught on reverie

Loneliness behind the smiles

Keep the ghosts out of bay.


Yesterday went like a dream

Had me wishing it were all real

Had my thoughts unguarded

Drinking the truth with  wine.


I look up at the sky

Where I rumbled my thanks

Lonely eve to bury the past

And create a new life.





My life is a series of pain

Often the first people I meet

Were always the first ones to leave

Like a wind that just passed through.


It still hurt, yes, I ask myself why

I am always placed in these fateful encounters

Going through the circles and cycles

Of betrayals and of putting knives behind one’s back.


Often the first cut is the deepest

A slow torture that cannot be easily forgotten

Replaying like a movie in my head

Haunting my very existence.


It is almost always hard to let go

Oh, I will always know when

It was time to move on

I hurts to always say the last goodbye.


I form attachments I know will hurt

Full of bruises yet still unbroken

Full of false hopes yet still faithful

Until I had to put up a wall.


So now you ask why I was slow to trust

Now you ask why silence was the only thing you got

Dear, there’s more to silence than meets the eye

It speaks in volumes the only little forgotten things that matter.






I stopped by the net

And tried to search your name

I was hoping I’d feel great

But I only felt dismay.


I wanted to reach out to you

You with your genuine smiles and laughter

Hoping the bond was still tight

Before you were in the spotlight.


Thousands of pictures of you appeared

with thousands of words attached to them

That I could not recognize the same smile and laughter

That did not reach your amber eyes.


You did not tell me the world had eaten you

and robbed you of our memories

The only thing I was holding on to

That is living the simple life with you.




There’s a lump in my throat

Every time I close my eyes

Waiting in the silence

With the memories still fresh

Like the passing yesterday.

I wonder why I liked sunsets

I wonder why I liked roses

Forgetting how those tiny thorns

Can inflict pain and sadness.

Maybe I just liked the pain-

Makes me feel alive

Even after some pieces of me got lost

And made me a living dead.

Where were those happy memories

When you needed them?

Happiness is fleeting like a second

Yet pain can stay for a long long time

Until no more tears are left for self-loathing

Because I didn’t walk the straight path

You so carefully built and chose for me

You said I’d regret it but I still left

And made friends with pain.

I’m sorry for getting myself caught

With the disappointment you feel

Every single day that my soul

Lurked in the shadows.

Forgive this crazy fool

For believing a foolish dream

For putting around masks

And ill-fitting costumes

For how can I deserve this life

When I am only able to live

And offer love through pain?