Tears on New Year’s Eve
Had me caught on reverie
Loneliness behind the smiles
Keep the ghosts out of bay.
Yesterday went like a dream
Had me wishing it were all real
Had my thoughts unguarded
Drinking the truth with wine.
I look up at the sky
Where I rumbled my thanks
Lonely eve to bury the past
And create a new life.
My life is a series of pain
Often the first people I meet
Were always the first ones to leave
Like a wind that just passed through.
It still hurt, yes, I ask myself why
I am always placed in these fateful encounters
Going through the circles and cycles
Of betrayals and of putting knives behind one’s back.
Often the first cut is the deepest
A slow torture that cannot be easily forgotten
Replaying like a movie in my head
Haunting my very existence.
It is almost always hard to let go
Oh, I will always know when
It was time to move on
I hurts to always say the last goodbye.
I form attachments I know will hurt
Full of bruises yet still unbroken
Full of false hopes yet still faithful
Until I had to put up a wall.
So now you ask why I was slow to trust
Now you ask why silence was the only thing you got
Dear, there’s more to silence than meets the eye
It speaks in volumes the only little forgotten things that matter.
I stopped by the net
And tried to search your name
I was hoping I’d feel great
But I only felt dismay.
I wanted to reach out to you
You with your genuine smiles and laughter
Hoping the bond was still tight
Before you were in the spotlight.
Thousands of pictures of you appeared
with thousands of words attached to them
That I could not recognize the same smile and laughter
That did not reach your amber eyes.
You did not tell me the world had eaten you
and robbed you of our memories
The only thing I was holding on to
That is living the simple life with you.
You saw me as a star with great potential,
You were fascinated, even intrigued.
You sculpted me in the image you like
And even venerated me like an altar.
You molded me to become like you
Your mirror in every step of the way.
All along you pulled the strings
And I followed as your minion.
You thought I was different
For I was your hope for a legacy.
So imagine the disappointment you felt
Upon learning that your creation was a mistake.
I guess that’s just the way I am built
Created to become perfectly imperfect.
I never disguised my scars from the start
But you refused to see the monster that was in front of you.
And that’s when I decided to end
The game I keep playing for you.
So that I can finally say
That I hate feeling this way
Yet it seems that it’s my fate.
Spanish Song and Lyrics Version
I should have felt fear
Instead I wanted to cheer.
I feel blessed indeed
For I felt no need
To wallow in misery.
I feel like my cup is overflowing
You heard my pleas and suffering
Indeed if this is the path you’ve chosen for me
Then I’m content to have made you happy
For all along you were my shepherd.
I offer my thanks this day
There’s nothing more I can say
But words of gratitude and gladness
No more fear and sadness
My heart goes out with love to all souls and saints.
You live life on the road
You eat words for breakfast
Just to get by the deadline.
Never minding the ungodly hours
Nor the sore feet from walking for miles
Yet you get to have a love-hate relationship with power
You’re forever crossing a bridge to danger.
And then unlearning the beliefs you once had
And learning to cuss when bullshits stare at you with malice.
Oh, but the story you look for can only be beautiful
When the protagonist is bad and ugly with money
You always crumple the paper until its insanely perfect
After staring so long at the blank walls of your room
Only to realize with dismay how your work is sliced in half
Oh, but then you are able to see unspoken truths
Never heard, never written, and long forgotten.
How complex can your role be?
You are an observant in an unfolding history
Whose side on shall you be?
Ah, but you’re the gatekeeper of society
It’s a calling, it truly is
For the strong-willed can only persist
From finding the gold in the tunnel.
Knowledgeable about everything yet a master of none
What the hell am I talking about?
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s being a journalist, that’s what.
Hush now and sleep my dear
Tomorrow will be a beautiful morn.
Gently wrap your fingers around mine
And safely sail your dreams with my embrace.
Drop your anchor and lay your troubles
So long buried underneath.
The storm you faced has just passed
and you’ve held your head high.
You’ve been shielding yourself from the waves of pain
Crashing you down with its weight.
I’ll be the rock to your tears
The balm to your fears.
So slowly close your eyes and just breathe
And like music you’ll hear my heartbeat.
Let me carry you through this night
Where you’ll be at ease and be.