First Love

I dreaded the day I confessed

Because right there you got me rejected

But you were just an idea from the start

But you left my soul scarred.

You saved me from the dark

You were my beacon of light

Hope from my weary mind

I lost everything and died.

Ah, the sweetness of rejection haunts me

I learned that you’re different from me

I got worse from all the heartaches

But you never forget first loves.


You lie and you lie and you lie

It hurts even when I try

I am grown and I have known

How difficult life is

But it is what it is.

I take the meds to calm down

But why do I always frown?

I’ve been through the dark most times

I don’t know how I have survived.

My mind is blank

Wanting to shut down

I am back to where I am

I did not mean to hurt you

I just wanted to stay away from you.


I want to swim far

But I am a prey chained

In a world of power.


Peel away the darkness in my heart,

Growing with dread and hate

Of its innocence.


I can only look from afar,

Knowing it may be too late

To escape this fate.



I have buckets of tears,

For the  lonely.

I have few pennies,

For the empty.


I have a beating heart

For the hateful.

I have blankets

For the broken.


I try and try

To erase the void

But I feel so small,

And so vulnerable.


Can a hopeless have hope?

Can I last until dawn?

For this night is endless

For a life already shattered.




You are the sum of my demons

The light in my shadows

A beautiful distraction,

A dream I never had.


You are the words behind my silence,

My compass in the night

My comfort from weariness,

A star I can never hold.


I should have grabbed the chance

To utter words unspoken,

But my lips were sealed,

And I ran away.


Forgive my awkwardness,

For my heart is made of paper

And I have to bottle it up

So it won’t leak.









People tell me I still look the same,

Years have gone by like the passing wind

I was drifting through life, surviving.

The past came, flashing before my eyes

And all this time, I am living a lie.


Your words were sharp as the knife

Peeling off the layers of myself I have outgrown,

Forcing me to evolve,  to grow.


I ‘ve been hiding in the comfort of childhood

And I just knew it was time to let go,

And face another chapter.

God give me the strength to be strong

With hope and peace in a turbulent world.


I am afraid of the shadows

But I want to move forward

To face the darkness in my heart,

To find my light again,this time with you.



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Stab me, like there’s no tomorrow

I can handle the pain.


You cut me with your shitty words

But I can always lick my wounds.


You shoot with dagger looks

But I have my bullet-proof.


If life was pain and it was you,

I’ll gladly embrace it.


I was the masochist in your sadist state,

You the Master and I like the Slave.


I chose you when you chose me,

I love you more when you hurt me.


I was a living dead before,

Then you came and awakened my soul.









If we’re gonna meet,

I hope you say hello first

Because it takes a while,

For me to warm up.


Disarm me with a smile

And a soothing voice

That can calm the storms

Inside my overthinking head.


I advice you to be patient

When I suddenly burst-

That sweet innocent girl you like

Might just transform into a monster.


You might have a pretty face,

But I want a man who’s steady,

Who can make love with his actions

And not just with words.


I hope you’re also into books

For I like to read and write,

And we might just get along 

Conversing and laughing ’til dawn.

Become my friend

Who speaks the truth,

Love my flaws and in turn

I’ll be yours without reservation.


Until then, I will wait

For that special moment

Even if you’re miles away

And it takes forever and a day.



Life goes on

Like a river

Flowing and,



Winter ends,

Spring begins

With hope blooming

From a heart yearning.


I saw my own reflection

Saying goodbye to the past,

Embracing another day

That’s definitely not my last.